You Can't Make a Tomelette without Breaking Some Greggs by Harvard Business Review & Amy Gallo

Author:Harvard Business Review & Amy Gallo [Harvard Business Review]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Harvard Business Review Press
Published: 2023-05-30T00:00:00+00:00

Start with Yourself

First things first. It’s normal to have an emotional reaction when you’re on the receiving end of a rude comment. You might feel hurt, disappointed, offended, upset, angry, frustrated, exhausted, or a mix of these and other feelings. It’s important to both examine these emotions and get a more objective sense of what happened.

Accept your emotional response

One common response to emotional pain—especially at work—is to try to tamp it down by chiding yourself, “This is just in my head.” But it’s not: The “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” adage simply isn’t true. I’ve certainly had my breath taken away by some mean-spirited comments that felt like the person had just punched me in the stomach. In fact, neuroscience shows that in certain instances, the brain interprets the impact of being devalued, ignored, shamed, yelled at, rejected, or bullied in ways that are similar to the experience of physical pain.

So give yourself time to investigate your emotional response before deciding what to do. If you’re dealing with a customer and you don’t have an hour or day to step away and deeply reflect, try taking a few breaths while identifying what you’re feeling before you react. Also be kind to yourself and validate your feelings: Research has established that self-compassion brings myriad benefits, including a stronger desire to grow and improve, higher emotional intelligence, and deeper resilience. It also makes you more compassionate toward others.

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